Is change masculine?

I asked myself this question just a few days ago. I had separate conversations with a woman and a man about the topic of changing jobs. Both expressed the desire to reorient themselves professionally due to dissatisfaction with their current positions. While the male participant had fewer reservations about applying for available positions, the female participant hesitated because of the job requirements. Both have the same professional background and qualifications. While the male participant, let’s call him Mark, assured me that job requirements are not a barrier, even if he doesn't meet them 100%, the female participant, Rachel, admitted that she was very worried her application would have little chance of success.

So, do men find it easier to implement a change like a job switch than women? According to a Forsa survey from 2023, one-third of the men surveyed would agree to a job change if offered an attractive position, compared to only a quarter of the women surveyed. One reason for this is the proven fact that women tend to engage more thoroughly with job profiles than men, and men often feel capable of taking on tasks for which they are (not yet) qualified.

So, is it a lack of self-confidence? In many cases, women are not fully aware of their abilities or their capacity to learn new things. I have encountered this often in my coaching sessions. However, I don’t think change is inherently masculine. But in my experience, women often need more security before embracing change.

How can coaching help? There is a simple yet highly effective method: the Walt Disney Method. Don’t worry, this isn’t about rescuing princesses or talking cats. The Walt Disney Method connects your inner dreamer with the realist and the critic, giving each a voice.

Example: I want to start my own business.

What does the dreamer say? I own a small bookstore in our neighboring village. I sell stories for all stages of life, and that makes me happy.

In this phase, EVERYTHING is possible. There are no obstacles. I fully give myself to my dreams and fantasies.

What does the realist say? I’ll look for a suitable location in the neighboring village. The rent should not exceed 1,000 euros. I will purchase the books from XYZ wholesaler. I will create a business plan that will generate profit by XX.XX.XXXX.

In this phase, the dream is reviewed realistically but not pessimistically. Planning can begin.

What does the critic say? I’m not sure if this is a good idea. Who even reads books anymore? I would have to work constantly, and in the end, it might not even be worth it. Or will it?

In this phase, the critic questions the plan, raises doubts, and examines potential obstacles. Now is the best time to find out if you’ve considered everything and what still needs to be clarified.

The process of expressing a wish, moving into action, and then voicing concerns can be repeated as often as needed. The key is that each role gets heard, and the roles do not overlap. In each round, clarify the wish, the planning, and re-examine them with the critic until all three roles are satisfied.

The Walt Disney Method can provide the confidence and security to tackle both big and small changes sustainably and effectively, regardless of whether you’re male or female.

Create a sense of urgency

One of the first steps in change management, whether for companies or in a personal context, is creating a sense of urgency. Without urgency, the driving force that enables change is often missing. Let's be honest, change also means that obstacles will automatically arise, and we must overcome them. We also need to constantly persuade the inner voice that relishes every opportunity to discourage us. After all, the increased energy effort associated with change should be worthwhile. Urgency helps us make decisions faster, work with focus, ease fear, and stay committed.

In some situations, the necessary urgency is already present, such as when a termination notice arrives or a partner has broken up with us, and change is already knocking on the door. But in most cases, we find ourselves in a situation that, while generating dissatisfaction, doesn’t force change. So how can I create urgency that serves as a strong motivator for my change?

In my last post, I wrote about the 5 Pillars of Identity model. One approach could be to examine your life pillars and current situation to reflect on whether there’s room for improvement, and if so, where. This method can provide great motivation for change by challenging the status quo and simultaneously thinking of solutions that would lead to a higher evaluation of your life pillars.

Another option is to involve others. If I openly communicate to my circle that I’m unhappy with my weight because it’s affecting my health and that I’m signing up for a gym and will work out three times a week (IMPORTANT: set realistic goals), then I’ll have a support network that will keep an eye on this with me in the future. Ideally, I’ll also find someone to join me, and as we all know, shared "suffering" is halved, or to put it more positively, I’ll have a partner who can be my motivator.

I can also create urgency through positive feelings. In my coaching sessions, I often use the "perfect day" exercise. In this exercise, the coachee walks through their perfect day under guidance, from waking up to going to sleep, including all the feelings and thoughts that come with it. What are the first thoughts upon waking? What is the person most looking forward to today? What are they wearing, and how does that feel? Are they sitting alone at the breakfast table or with family? Or is there no breakfast at all? Do they work from home, or do they ride their bike to the office? What is the weather like, and how do they feel about it? Images and emotions arise that spark a desire for more.

So, to create urgency, it helps to examine the current situation and identify areas in need of change, find personal motivators, connect positive emotions to them, and perhaps even enlist a partner in crime.

If you need help creating your personal sense of urgency, feel free to contact me here.

Choose your battle wisely

A phrase that, alongside "everything happens for a reason," has become my life motto. It was only a few years ago that I felt the need to fight every "battle" I named out of principle, even though many of them couldn't have mattered less to me. It took me a long time to realize that this approach consumed a lot of energy without adding much value, until I nearly burned out. At some point, my manager at the time said this very memorable phrase to me: choose your battle wisely, meaning, think carefully about what is truly worth fighting for.

What does this have to do with change? First, we should always ask ourselves if we currently have the energy to invest in significant changes. If I'm going through a difficult personal situation, planning to start my own side business, and on top of that, looking for a new full-time employer, then I'd advise against any spontaneous, drastic changes. Ask yourself in advance: What has priority? What is most urgent? What can wait? Coaching can help bring clarity to such situations.

There are also people who pursue big changes without fully understanding the consequences. While I would never discourage change, it's worth first reflecting on the motives behind it. For example, if I want to change jobs just because it seems like the current trend in my circle, a shift in perspective might help. Would I recommend this step to my best friend? Or would I first examine the conditions and consequences before diving into change?

A useful model for becoming aware of the impacts of a decision is the 5 Pillars of Identity model by H. Petzold. The five pillars represent Physicality, Social Context, Material Security, Work and Performance, and Values. The balance of these individual pillars is essential for maintaining the stability of one’s life structure.

This model can be applied to a variety of coaching approaches. I particularly like using it with my coachees to visualize the impacts of significant changes and to simplify the decision-making process. Does my change offer added value? Is the effort worth it?

It's worthwhile to first take a close look at your current situation: Under the current job conditions, how would I rate my current health (physicality) on a scale from 0 to 10 (0 = very poor, 10 = as good as it gets)? Do I like the social context? Can I maintain friendships, and do I like my team? Does my current job provide the material security I need? Do I enjoy my tasks, or have I long been yearning for a job that better matches my abilities? Does my current job offer a work environment that aligns with my values?

These are just example questions; in a coaching session, there are many reflections one can make using the 5 pillars.

Next, you would focus on the change. For example, how would changing jobs affect my health? Will my work-life balance shift because I'll work more or less? Do I have to move for the new job and lose my social environment? Will I earn more or less money? Would I gain new skills from a job change that could be useful to me? What values are important to me, and can the new employer meet these? Once again, use the 0-10 scale to evaluate each pillar.

Afterward, you can compare your current situation with the hypothetical scenario of a job change and weigh whether this change would really be worthwhile. Furthermore, this coaching method can help you identify which pillars hold particular personal significance and what a change should ideally bring with it.

Thus, before any major change, it’s worth asking: Is the effort worth it? Where is my added value? What are my compromises? Choose your battle wisely!

Change happens…

I am a big fan of change. If it were up to me, I’d change my job, my style, my diet, and even my place of residence every year. I almost feel a bit envious when others move or start something new. Because a fresh start is always something magical. And I love it. I’ve moved so many times in my life, and each time I was okay with leaving behind old habits and neighborhoods to take a chance on a new beginning. Again and again, I wondered why it is so hard for others to make changes in their lives. There are people in my circle who practically panic at the thought of things not staying exactly as they were, even though they are not always happy with the old. But these are habits they know, and they give a sense of security. That these habits might not always be beneficial and that new situations could potentially make them much happier is secondary. Sometimes, I even think people sabotage themselves because it’s easier to live with what you have than to take the effort to change things for the better. Or because it gives them a great way to confirm their own limiting beliefs.

Take Mareike*, for example, who has wanted to move out of her old student apartment for months, a place where she has never felt comfortable. I suspect it’s because the place has been in desperate need of renovation for ages, but Mareike either doesn’t feel like dealing with it or doesn’t see why she should bother painting the walls now that she works full-time. What she doesn’t see is the cheap rent and the perfect location. What she’s looking for: same location, twice the size, freshly renovated, with parking, all for under 800 euros rent, utilities included. I may have forgotten to mention that we’re talking about Cologne here. That this is almost an illusion doesn’t stop Mareike from holding on to her expectations. So one might ask, why doesn’t Mareike just lower her standards or rally all her friends for a little renovation session? Because it would simply be too easy. Because the belief that "everyone else is born with luck except me" can be too strong to prompt action and initiate change. And so this basic attitude is constantly reinforced, and things remain as they are... until we start to confront these very beliefs.

There are also moments when we are confronted with changes we didn’t wish for. Perhaps a job loss or an eviction due to the landlord’s personal use (which might actually help Mareike). When the situation seems dire, few people look for the silver lining. Yet, surprisingly, it’s this sense of urgency that can help kickstart changes we secretly wished for or at least view them as an opportunity.

Then there are those who are already a step ahead. They want to make a change, but something holds them back. Unload the dishwasher, clean out the basement, and didn’t I want to start jogging? The apartment shines, the endurance is optimal, and yet we find new tasks to keep us from doing what we have long promised ourselves we would do.

Let me introduce you to Linus*, the king of procrastination. For a long time, he’s wanted to start a side business. He’s completed outrageously expensive courses with success and gets great feedback for the work he has done for free so far. I ask him what’s holding him back, why he hasn’t just started. Linus has nothing to lose. He doesn’t need start-up capital, he’s financially secure thanks to his main job, and he seems to do his work exceptionally well. Linus’ answer: I don’t know. Because he’s never asked himself that question. Yet this simple question can take away all fears. If we confront them, we can dissolve our limiting beliefs, and urgency can become one of the best motivators for positive change. You can read more about this in this blog.

*Name changed

Are you interested in coaching, facing a major change, or finally want to initiate it yourself? Then contact me here, and together we will tackle this challenge.